From cheeky banter to D&M’s, sitting in comfortable silence to in-depth philosophical discussions, we all thrive off connection.
And fostering meaningful connections with the people in our lives is crucial to our mental and emotional health, especially during lockdown.
At Reach – they create meaningful connection by taking the time to dive below the surface and share with one another how we’re really doing, rather than inconsequential fluff talk.
BUT! This is something easier said than done.
There’s usually barriers that make connections harder to create. Some of these barriers might be:
• fear of getting it wrong,
• miscommunicating with other people,
• feeling worried about being judged,
• feeling hesitant to admit you’re struggling
• not knowing how or when to ask for help.
It can be challenging to know how exactly to connect with others, and that is super normal, totally understandable and exactly why Reach created this helpful guide.
The Reach Crew of young leaders are out in communities, working in schools, running workshops and living pretty extraordinary lives. We asked them to share with us a few tips and tricks they use to create these moments of connection in their lives.
How To Check In With A Mate
Create The Space
Pick a time & place that’s private and distraction free so you both feel comfortable to talk and have each others’ full attention. If you can’t get together in person, you could talk on the phone while you each go for a walk, or you could organise a videocall.
Get Conversationally Comfy
Catching up on what you’ve both been up to can be a great place to start, particularly if you haven’t spoken for a while. You could chat about what you’ve both been watching or reading, if either of you have been trying out a new hobby etc.
Go Beyond “How are you?”
We often get asked “how are you?” as part of a greeting and it’s common to answer “good” or “ok” without thinking, kind of like a reflex. It can help to be a bit more specific, like asking “how have you been feeling lately?” or “how are you feeling about life at the moment?”.
If you’ve noticed any changes in them or are aware of big changes they’re going through, you could try sharing these as part of your check-in. For example “I noticed you haven’t been messaging in our group chat” or “I know you and —- broke up recently”.
Show You’re Listening
Practise active listening by making eye contact, nodding your head or making an ‘mhmm’ sound to let them know you’re following along, asking them questions, paraphrasing what you hear them say and practising being curious about their lived experience. This is all about being present and non-judgemental with the person, giving them space to talk about how they’re feeling and what’s going on for them.
Encourage them to seek support
If they’re not currently linked in with any support, ask if they’ve thought about talking to an adult they trust or seeing a mental health professional. You can pass on details for helplines with phone & chat options (see below), and offer to help them make the call if you comfortable to. Everyone is worthy of getting the support they need. It can be hard sometimes to ask for and accept support, let them know you care and think they are worthy of it.
Support
Beyond Blue
1300 224 636 | beyondblue.org.au
Kids Helpline
1800 55 1800 | kidshelpline.com.au
eHeadspace
1800 650 890 | headspace.org.au/eheadspace
Lifeline
13 11 14 | lifeline.org.au
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