No parent enjoys saying ‘no’ to their kids, it’s not easy to be the bad guy. But what most parents find harder than having to physically set a limit, is the whinging or the meltdown that follows.
When our kids feel upset, we can find ourselves bribing, giving in to “just one more biscuit” or shouting to ensure control, leading to chaos and confusion for everyone.
Boundaries are good for kids. A life without limits is scary for kids and leads to burnout for their parents.
Here’s how a boundary can answer our kids’ big questions: “Am I loved, seen and safe?”.
- Am I loved?
Kids process our love through connection. Kids go better and are more likely to cooperate with our ‘no’ when they feel connected with us. The idea is ‘connect before you direct’.
For example, perhaps you’re playing with your little ones…
We might say: “I can see you’re having the best time playing with your LEGO DUPLO set, what’s the elephant doing here?……
- Am I seen?
We all want to be heard; our kids are no different. When they feel like we understand their wishes and wants, or their struggles,they’re much more likely to move forward with what’s next.
We might say:“Now I know it’s hard to stop playing, you’re having so much fun.”
- Am I safe?
Our mighty toddlers may look like they want to be the boss at times, but really, they do need to know that they can depend on us to ‘take charge’ when needed to ensure their safety.
We might say: It’s now time to get our shoes on to get to kinder. How about we place your LEGO set just here so it’s ready for you when you get home today?”
By making sure our child feels that we love them, we hear them, and that we are willing to take the wheel to get them from A-B things often go a lot smoother.
The beauty in our ‘no’ is that it’s through this process our kids feel loved, seen and safe. Once we know that as parents we can know innately that holding boundaries for our kids is one of the highest forms of love there is.
Genevieve Muir is the founder of Connected Parenting, an Obstetric Social Worker, Parent Educator and mum to four boys with a passion for helping parents in the first five years of raising kids. She’s currently working with LEGO DUPLO to show how these big bricksDUPLO help to offer toddlers a big start in life through meaningful play and endless fun by teaching our toddlers important EQ skills including resilience, self expression and confidence. while offering toddlers a big start in life through meaningful play and endless fun.