How a conversation can make a difference.

If parenthood wasn’t hard enough already, someone went and threw a pandemic in on us. Kids doing school at home, job losses, uncertainty, loneliness when we can’t see our friends. It’s been the toughest time in most people lives. But do you know how the people in your world are really going?

There has never been a more important time to think about if the people in your lives are OK, which is why R U OK? Day this year is more important than ever. But it’s more than just a day. Let’s think about how we can support the people in our lives every day.

So, stay connected and make asking “are you OK?” a part of your everyday. That way if someone you know is struggling with something big, something small, or maybe nothing at all – they’ll know you care.

Below you’ll find tips to help you ask “are you OK?” and lend support to the people in your world every day of the year. Because when we genuinely ask, “are you OK?” and are prepared to talk to them about how they’re feeling and what’s going on in their life we can help someone who might be struggling feel connected and supported, long before they’re in crisis.

Are they really OK? Ask them today. A conversation could change a life.

When might I need to ask, “are you OK?”

The people in your world won’t always tell you if something’s troubling them so it’s important that you make asking, “are you OK?” a part of your everyday relationships with friends, family, team mates and colleagues.

The earlier you provide an opportunity for someone to open up to you the sooner they can find appropriate support or, if needed, seek professional help and the greater the chance that together, you can stop small problems from becoming bigger ones.

Moments you might need to ask include:

  • When they’re experiencing relationship difficulties or breaking up with a partner.
  • When they’re experiencing increased levels of stress or constant stress.
  • When they’re experiencing financial difficulty.
  • When they’re going through a period of major change at work, home or in life.
  • When they’ve experienced the loss of someone or something they care about.
  • When they have a major health issue.

You may also notice changes in what they’re saying or doing

Look out for changes in what they’re saying or expressing. They might:

  • Sound confused or irrational
  • Express they can’t cope or feel out of control
  • Be more critical of themselves or others
  • Sound like they’re trapped or in pain
  • Share feelings of loneliness or being a burden to others.

Look out for changes in how they’re behaving or what they’re doing. They may be experiencing:

  • A lack of motivation or energy
  • An inability to switch off
  • Changes in their sleeping, exercise or eating patterns
  • Becoming more or less interested in their appearance
  • A lack of interest in something they used to enjoy.

Preparing for the conversation

Be ready

  • Are you in a good headspace?
  • Are you willing to genuinely listen?
  • Have you set aside the time you might need?

Be prepared

Remember that you won’t have all the answers (and that’s OK). It can be difficult for people to talk about personal struggles and they might be emotional, embarrassed or upset.

Pick your moment

  • Have you chosen somewhere relatively private where you’ll both be comfortable to chat?
  • When is a good time for them to have a meaningful chat?
  • If they don’t have time when you first approach them, arrange another time for the conversation.
  • It might be more comfortable for the person to be side-by-side with you (e.g. walking together or sitting in the car) rather than face-to-face.

How to make a moment meaningful and ask ask R U OK?

Meaningful moments talking about life’s ups and downs are more likely to happen when we’re spending quality time together. So make asking “are you OK?” a part of these everyday interactions:

  • On breaks from work or study.
  • When exercising together.
  • When connecting or doing activities together online.
  • When you’re spending time together socially.
  • When you’re doing an activity side-by-side.
  • When you’re sharing a meal.
  • When you’re travelling together, even a short trip can be a good time to talk.

It’s none of my business

We all value our privacy and respect the privacy of others. You might be telling yourself ‘it’s none of my business’ or ‘they won’t want to talk to me about it anyway’. It’s understandable to be unsure or a little embarrassed but it’s better to start a conversation than to ignore that feeling you have that something is not quite right. Having someone show they care can make all the difference for someone who is feeling overwhelmed or distressed.

Remember though, even when you do make the first move, there’s no guarantee they’ll be ready to talk – but they’ll know someone cares and next time you ask they might be ready.

Support is available

If your life is in danger or you’re concerned for your own or someone else’s safety please call 000.

If you’re finding life tough or need some extra support, it can help to talk about how you’re feeling with someone you trust.

You and your loved ones can find support by contacting your local doctor or one of these crisis lines:

Lifeline (24/7) – 13 11 14
lifeline.org.au

Suicide Call Back Service (24/7) – 1300 659 467
suicidecallbackservice.org.au

Beyond Blue (24/7) – 1300 224 636
beyondblue.org.au

Kids Helpline (24/7, for youth 5-25) – 1800 55 1800
kidshelpline.com.au

MensLine (24/7) – 1300 78 99 78
mensline.org.au

1800RESPECT (24/7) – 1800 737 732
1800respect.org.au

QLife (3pm-midnight) Anonymous, free LGBTI support – 1800 184 527
qlife.org.au

Griefline (6am-midnight) – 1300 845 745
griefline.org.au

Family and friends can also call upon these services for advice and assistance on how to support someone who is struggling with life.

View the R U OK? directory of national helplines and services at ruok.org.au/findhelp